Update!! New Comments in the original post, click the link below to see them.
May, 2005 — This content module about Git-N-Go is launched.
Sept, 2005 — A employee of Git-N-Go decides to let us know what he thinks about my plan to sue Git-N-Go for poisoning our children with cheetos.
Jeff Said:
Are you some kind of fascist moron? What idiot creates a website so he can take legal action against a gas station for selling Cheetos? Oh, the kids are getting fat from eating the chips? Well, maybe if the parents regulated it it wouldn’t be a problem. And besides, who the fuck cares?! If your kid is fat, it only means that they will be singled out and belitted for virtually their entire life. And you know what they say, “A little childhood trauma builds character.” You are almost as bad as the people who blame video games for kids shooting up schools. Get a life. (I work for Git N Go by the way, so feel free to email me, so I can work on my speed-deleting)
Ok Jeff, excellent conversation starter!
To: Jeff
From: RobertHi Jeff,
I’ll let you in on a little secret, if you’ve read anything on my site (which clearly you haven’t), you’d realize that it’s dripping with sarcasm. So to clarify, I don’t want Git-N-go to be sued or put out of business — your third shift gas jockey job is certainly safe from the throngs of people who write their congressmen every time I fart.
Here’s a hint, if you put down the keyboard and refrain from commenting on things you don’t understand, maybe you won’t look like such a moron to the rest of the interweb.
xoxoxo,
-Robert
…tick tock… a few hours later
To: Robert
From: JeffSo what you’re saying is that you write satire. About events in the Des Moines area. Of course, ‘event’ is really only a figurative term, considering nothing that happens here, short of child rape and murder, ever makes the news. The fact that you’ve stooped so low as to write about stupid bullshit like this only further cements your retardation in my mind. I just happened to be looking for the GitNGo corporate site (And there isn’t one, apparently. Cheap bastards) when I happened upon your site. You may be wondering why I didn’t decide to investigate your little corner of the internet further? Because the part that I did see was so monumentally stupid that I didn’t think it deserved any further merit, other than my comment.
Also, are you some kind of “Maddox” clone? Nobody gives a rat’s ass what you think about anything, really, because chances are, you’re wrong about 100% of the time. What are you, 15? Got the world all figured out huh?
Tool.
Ooh good one! I am in fact 15 years old!
To: Jeff
From: RobertNo Jeff, I’m not saying I write satire, I’m saying I write whatever I want on my “little corner of the web”
Before you go google “yo momma come backs” just keep in mind that any ham-fisted insult you throw my way is instantly mitigated by the fact that you mis-interpreted some words on the internet, then decided to act on it by posting the most self damning comment in the history of my blog.
> The fact that you’ve stooped so low as to write about
> stupid bullshit like this only further cements your retardation in my
> mind.wait, I want you to just think about this whole thing for a second — your search, you ending up at this site, you reading this post, your comment, and now your email…
Now Jeff, distance yourself a little from this and honestly ask yourself, who’s the real dimwit here?
I await your apology.
Hugs and Kisses,
-Robert
Jeff didn’t waste much time using his special dialing wand to whip up this reply:
To: Ocu-Master
From: JeffOh I see, so you just write about bullshit in a general sense, as opposed to a satirical or humorous variety. So that means that you just get on the internet, spank off, and then write about the first non-issue that comes to mind? Sounds like someone needs to get a job. And a girlfriend. (Boyfriend? …cat?)
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that somehow me messaging you puts me on the same level of intellect as you. The only reason that I bothered posting at all was because I was annoyed at the time and you pushed me over the brink with your inane babbling.
Maybe I should check out your site and see what other gems of literature I can find. Now that I think about it, I am kind of curious as to what you waste your time doing.
And I’ll say it one more time. Nobody gives a flying fuck what you think. You are after all, an idiot, so can you blame them?
And what’s with the hugs and kisses? Dumbass.Numerous punches to the throat,
-Jeff
Punches to the throat? He must be a Maddox reader!
To: Jeff
From: Ocu-MasterDear Jeff,
Please do check out the rest of my site, I’m sure you won’t miss the irony in wasting your time seeing how I waste my time.
> Don’t make the mistake of thinking that somehow me messaging you puts me
> on the same level of intellect as you.Oh believe me, I won’t be making that mistake.
> I was annoyed at the time and you pushed me
> over the brink with your inane babbling.No Jeff, you walked up to my site, you read the post, and you didn’t get it. Now you’re mad because you posted an asinine comment and are getting called out for it. I have a very minimal role in this.
But please, continue insulting my maturity, sexuality, intellect, or whatever comes to mind, because everytime you do it, you look a lot smarter than your intial comment suggests.
Love,
-Robert
The saga is ongoing, we’ll see how long Jeff continues to grace our midst. Stay tuned!
UPDATE!!! New Reply! He just doesn’t get it!
To: Robert
From: JeffI think you’re mistaken as to who is calling who out for what. You might be calling me out for wasting my time commenting on some shit you wrote, but I am calling you out for giving a fuck. Or for even writing the damn thing in the first place. There seriously has to be something better for you to do. Oh! I know! You can commit copyright infringment by using a cartoon character on your site and not giving the original creator any credit! Oh..wait. (His name is Matt Groening, by the way.) You’ll notice that in the copyright statute, Bender’s ‘likeness’ is also copyrighted, just in case you make the dumbass argument that you created the image.
>Oh believe me, I won’t be making that mistake. Now that was humor. If your whole site were written like that, you might be pretty good at this.
On another topic, you have to admit, I probably write some of the most coherant email you recieve.
Moving to another tangent…
> No Jeff, you walked up to my site, you read the post, and you didn’t get
> it. Now you’re mad because you posted an asinine comment and are getting
> called out for it. I have a very minimal role in this.
What didn’t I get? That it was supposed to be a joke? Maybe if you weren’t a shitty writer, that would have been somewhat evident. Besides, like I said in my latest comment, is it really so illogical to believe that you might have been serious, given the kind of people that sometimes post these things? Am I really so far off? I think you need to take a step back and read what you’ve written objectively. (And correct the typos, damn it) Then you should realize that you’re just another moron spewing garbage that nobody cares about anyway.My point is, if you aren’t serious, why not write about something that matters? Not cheetos. Who gives a shit about cheetos? No one, that’s who. And no one ever will. (As evidenced by the single comment on that page since its original creation in late May)
You know, I’m actually kind of having fun with this. It’s some of the most intelligent conversation I’ve had in a while. But don’t get me wrong, your intelligence is still only higher than the people I have to work and go to classes with, so that’s not really saying a whole hell of a lot.
Did you read that far? I certainly didn’t, our boy Jeff is losing his edge…
To: Jeff
From: Robert> On another topic, you have to admit, I probably write some of the most
> coherant email you recieve.You’ve got to be kidding, not only are you sending my a bunch of psycho-babble about being fascist, you’re now going off about copyrights and finish up with something about you being super intelligent. And what have you got?
>(And correct the typos, damn it)
Oh wow, you’re sure to be a hot damn lawyer some day, I’m sure of it.
> My point is, if you aren’t serious, why not write about something that
> matters? Not cheetos. Who gives a shit about cheetos? No one, that’s who.wait for it!
…
…
10 emails, 6 comments later and we’re done.
Have a great night Jeff!
-Robert
And well, that’s all the time I can waste on this, I’ll be sure to post any further communication from our dear friend in content.
When will the flip flopping end?! How long? How long must I sing this song! We have to be tough on the Git N Go! Tough on Cheetos! Robert….if you wont help me stop kids from having delicious cheesy snacks….who will?
1 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 8:16 pmI think the freedom to consume Cheetos or any other cheese dusted product must be upheld. Where do you think we live? In Soviet Russia?
2 | Dolen September 28th, 2005 at 8:27 pmI suggest we contact Alan Oatsvall, former regional manager of Git-N-Go and currently the General Manager of the Des Moines Menace. His excellence in the fields of:
3 | mattbot September 28th, 2005 at 8:32 pm- Des Moines
- Menaces
- Git-N-Gos
should afford us valuable insights into Jeff’s worldview.
The flip-flopping will never end! I will have the last word!
And just in case anyone is confused, I couldn’t really give a shit less about Git N Go. Not even sure why I mentioned it, really. It wasn’t really a, “I work for Git N Go, so there asshole.” situation. I just figured some factor of relevance would make for a quicker reply on your part.
4 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 8:33 pm“I couldn’t really give a shit less about Git N Go.”
No of course not, why else would you be posting comments here?
5 | Ocu-Master September 28th, 2005 at 8:43 pm
6 | mattbot September 28th, 2005 at 8:47 pmAre you so blind? The comment wasn’t about Git N Go in the first place! Do I need to lay my argument out like a handful of leggos so you can see each individual piece?
I will say this; At first I was mistaken. I admit it. I should have known that it was a joke. I should have known that no one could possibly be that fucking stupid. (You’re still a shitty writer, though, which is the entire reason why it happened in the first place) I will never apologize however, so don’t hold your breath.
I almost just did it again, huh? Too bad it’ll never happen.
Yet another copyright violation graces your page, I see.
7 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 9:01 pm“I should have known that no one could possibly be that fucking stupid.”
The irony is that you’re rocking my assumptions of that very thing right now.
8 | Ocu-Master September 28th, 2005 at 9:10 pmWow, what a statement. Another profound comeback by the guy who just won’t let it go and admit that I’m right.
9 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 9:11 pmThis may end up being the funniest thing on your webpage you know. You should really be thanking me.
10 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 9:17 pmAt first I was mistaken. I admit it.
11 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 9:23 pmadmit that I’m right.
12 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 9:23 pmRight about being mistaken? About the only thing I’m clear on right now is that you don’t care whatsoever about cheetos or Git-N-Go
13 | Ocu-Master September 28th, 2005 at 9:25 pmJeff, Jeff, Jeff. You will never learn. While you were right that you are a thing. Not a human thing but none the less a thing. I tried to figure out what you were by delving into the deepest books that I bought from a traveling cripple by the name of Victor. He said they were books of knowledge but I think he was using them for a bathroom for quite some time. Strangely enough, from them I found what you were.
It is funny watching you limp around here like a wounded animal. You may as well be saying, “but…yeah I don’t even care! This is how much I dont care! DO YOU HEAR ME! I’ll….I’ll get a teacher!”
Though I like to think of you as wearing all black, talking about how much Poe is so “the truth” and speaking with a lisp.
P.S. Don’t double post, makes you look like an ass who doesn’t have complete thoughts.
Oh yeah! Post Pics please kthxbai
14 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 9:27 pmAt this point, my argument is closed. I will, however, get the last word in. Count on it. Don’t you think that little trick was a little underhanded? Just shows that you’re losing.
15 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 9:29 pmYour arguement? You mean the, “But….You write retarded things on your website! I know because I go to a community college and work at a convience store! Trust me I know retarded” Yep you win.
Oh I am not a trick! I am a human being! My body is my own and no one is going to tell me what to do with it!
16 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 9:31 pmI just talked to my buddy on the front. Here’s what he had to say,
17 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 9:43 pmuh oh, looks like the macros have moved in!
goon justice and such
18 | Ocu-Master September 28th, 2005 at 9:45 pmHmmm. I can see when I’ve been defeated. I refuse to apologize, though.
And I am not some Emo, neo goth retard. I don’t wear all black, I don’t read poetry, and I sure as hell don’t think Poe is “So the truth” as you so eloquently put it.
Let’s not address where I work for another few years, shall we?
What we will address is the community college thing. You guys have to realize that we can’t all be priviledged little private schooled yuppies like you guys obviously are, so some of us have to do what are called “Transfer Programs.” That’s where we take basic classes like History and Composition (Classes that don’t matter) for about 1/10th of the tuition of a state university. Seems practical to me.
19 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 9:47 pmAnd no, I will not be sending any pics, thanks.
College? pshhh… I’m 15 remember?
20 | Ocu-Master September 28th, 2005 at 9:51 pmI am going to concur with Chris. Why can’t you let the whole thing go? I mean shouldn’t you be off studying for your upcoming intermediate rhetoric 101 midterm, or whatever they happen to offer at DMACC, while consuming vast amounts of cheetos to spite robert and sipping your refreshing Git-n-Go french vanilla cappuccino?
P.S. Thanks for not sending any pics.
21 | Colin September 28th, 2005 at 9:52 pmWow that last bit….well…I think Mr. Rogers said it best,
And just because my mom and dad love me enough to make sure I’m in a good high school and your parents realized you were the useless crap eating cripple that you are doesn’t mean you have to be hostile. I still love you Jeff. Ocu…. is it bad for a high school boy like myself to love a community college badass like Jeff?
P.S. I’m loling right now
22 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 9:54 pmPerhaps you’d like to give some support to your implied argument that for basic classes community college is somehow lesser than a state university.
23 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 10:00 pmawww folks, lets all do Jeff (who has gone to great lengths to entertain us tonight) a big favor by leaving his school of choice off the table.
On that note, I’m glad that Jeff takes his clases seriously:
“History and Composition (Classes that don’t matter)”
Certainly the composition part has no bearing on anything that’s transpired here tonight
24 | Ocu-Master September 28th, 2005 at 10:01 pmPerhaps I should clarify the statment. “Classes that don’t matter” is basically the half ass way of saying, “Classes that aren’t central to my area of study.”
Is that better?
25 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 10:02 pmWhat area of study are you pursuing that doesn’t involve writing?
26 | Ocu-Master September 28th, 2005 at 10:03 pmIt’s not that it doesn’t involve it, it’s that it isn’t *central* to the course.
I take all of my classes seriously, but I would rather not pay $10,000 Cash/semester to take nonspecific general learning classes that I could take cheaper elsewhere and then transfer. I don’t see what’s so hard about this concept.
27 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 10:09 pmOh I have no problem with the 10,000 cash/semester/transfer idea, lots of people do it with great success.
I’m just interested to why you feel that writing isn’t central to your area of study. Is it THE base on which you build your academic life, whether you think so or not
28 | Ocu-Master September 28th, 2005 at 10:12 pmDamned browser. Before it cut me off and sent the info, I was going to say that I was interested in computer science. I use computer science as a general term, because ultimately what I want to do develop games and software applications.
Wonder how you guys will belittle that? No doubt you’ll tell me it’s impossible despite the substantial amount of work I’ve put into learning relevant subjects.
29 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 10:15 pmPerhaps I’ve said it the wrong way again. Writing is clearly central to everything, but what I mean by “central” in the case of my current area of study is really more along the lines of advanced mathematics and such things as that. Courses that are specific to the area of study, I suppose, whereas composition is a general education course that they force everyone to take.
30 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 10:18 pmDidn’t mean to double post there. Didn’t mean to triple post here.
31 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 10:19 pmComputer science and can’t handle a browser eh? That’s okay. That’s upper level computer science. At least that’s what my brother tells me. He’s a CS major too (that’s what they call themselves). He also tells me that the internet is serious business!
Oh Ocu….you’re in trouble soon you will be:
P.S. I win 20 bucks for saying you wanted to make computer games!
32 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 10:22 pmYeah, too bad Explorer isn’t open source, or your statement might actually have some validity. I’ve just finished building this computer and havent installed any real browsers yet.
And I am not some dumbass kid who thinks they can just wander into the business. I’ve seen morons who think that just because they’re good at games, they can somehow achieve success in the industry.
Currently, on my own time, I am studying some industry applications (3dsMAX) and attempting to study Japanese. (Damned Kanji is a little more trouble than it’s worth though.)
33 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 10:30 pmGood lord. Not even images get rid of you. Though studying Japanese too huh? 10 Points for Griffandor!
Time to take this another step out of line. Let’s try this. *ahem*
Depart, then, transgressor. Depart, seducer, full of lies and cunning, foe of virtue, persecutor of the innocent. Give place, abominable creature, give way, you monster, give way to Christ, in whom you found none of your works. For he has already stripped you of your powers and laid waste your kingdom, bound you prisoner and plundered your weapons. He has cast you forth into the outer darkness, where everlasting ruin awaits you and your abettors.
34 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 10:44 pmJeff, do you have a webring?
35 | mattbot September 28th, 2005 at 10:48 pmOh, this is rich. Which one of you guys is it that works at the IT helpdesk of some Library or something? THERES a success story. Studied at a university and you’re pulling down customer service money, eh? Congratulations on your life’s achievements. This conversation is over.
36 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 10:49 pmDamn it, stop posting while I’m writing. Now I have to contradict myself again.
No. I don’t have a webring. Why do you ask?
37 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 10:50 pmhaha, I believe most of us pulling down customer service money were doing that while in school.
38 | Ocu-Master September 28th, 2005 at 10:53 pmAnd that means what? You’re slipping…
39 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 10:54 pmSorry, I thought this conversation was over? Or are we reverting back to cheetos here?
40 | Ocu-Master September 28th, 2005 at 10:57 pmThis conversation was over, until someone restarted it. I simply want you to clarify your statement.
At any rate, why does Mattbot want to know whether I have a webring or not?
41 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 10:58 pmGod can I have a cheeto!? Hey Mattbot, how’s life treating you?
42 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 11:00 pmOh wait, I see, you worked at the library at your school. I should have seen that. Now I’M slipping.
43 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 11:02 pmDon’t worry. Reading is one of those classes that doesn’t matter that you’re currently taking at your cheap school.
OHHHHH ICEBURN.
Mattbot, decided on new glasses yet?
44 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 11:04 pmI’m curious about where you guys went to school. And did you pay your own way through it? Not without substantial loans, I’m sure. My guess is that one of the following is true.
Your loving parents paid your entire way through school and never bothered to teach your lazy asses the value of money.
You paid your own way through school, accumulating an amazing amount of debt that will cripple you for years.
You never really went to any school.
You also went to a “cheap” school, which your parents may or may not have paid for.
45 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 11:09 pmGlasses are held together with glue right now. It’s not pretty. Which, to answer Jeff’s questions in an indirect way, tells us quite a bit about my financial state.
I asked about the webring because I wanted to join if you had one. I love webrings.
46 | mattbot September 28th, 2005 at 11:15 pmI read that one of you guys has earned a Grammy. I believe it was Ocu.
Off the record, I think that’s awesome. (I still hate you, though.)
No, I don’t have a webring, to answer your question. I’m sure you’d be thrilled to join if I did, though.
47 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 11:20 pmAh. My glasses are also in a current state of broken….also involved with that is that I do not know where the other half of them are. Awkward yes. So my contacts suck most of the life out of my eyes. Good luck with that though, I wouldn’t have thought about using glue.
It’d be cooler if Jeff had a geocities page! Then I could get him to link to my page and my hits would be through the roof!
Wow Jeff way to summarize every option. “You went to school and paid for it, someone else paid for it, you didn’t go to school or you went to a cheap school”. Man you found me out! Detective Jeff solves another one!
48 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 11:21 pmAnd what did I leave out, exactly? It seems like the only one here being outwardly hostile is you, Chris, and I am itching to know why.
49 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 11:23 pm….you don’t “get” sarcasm….do you Jeff?
50 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 11:25 pmOut of curiosity, what kind of hardware do you use to run this site? Or do you just pay for your bandwidth usage? And just how many hits do you get?
You really threw me a curveball with that Geocities joke, by the way. First class insult.
51 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 11:26 pmYou guys really ought to consider putting an ‘edit post’ option in.
I don’t get sarcasm? That may be, but apparently you don’t understand the dynamics of a question. Seeing as I ask you one and you just ask me another totally irrelevant one.
52 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 11:28 pmI run this site through SHEAR FORCE OF WILL!
“First class insult.”
53 | TheChris September 28th, 2005 at 11:28 pmQUOTED FOR TRUTH
No, but seriously. I’ve given some thought to web development for the sake of knowledge and since you guys run this site so well (I’ve counted about 6 broken links), I thought you might be able to recommend some hardware.
54 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 11:31 pmYou used “Shear” the wrong way, too. In the context that you meant it, you should have used sheer. Look what ‘cheap’ school teaches you.
55 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 11:39 pmIt’s about time I stopped ruling you guys, so I’ll be on my way. Go ahead and email me if you REALLY want to continue the conversation.
*The conversation is officially over with this post. Any posts hereafter are not considered to be parts of the discussion since I am not involved.*
Therefore, I have the last word, as promised.
56 | Jeff September 28th, 2005 at 11:42 pmOcu-Master’s boxen aren’t very leet, this much is known for sure.
57 | mattbot September 28th, 2005 at 11:43 pmYou’ll be back.
58 | mattbot September 28th, 2005 at 11:43 pmomg he’s gone…. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to say I don’t mean to be horrible. I think I really loved him. Back to Fyad for me….
59 | TheChris September 29th, 2005 at 8:13 amlast word
60 | ScatASStic September 29th, 2005 at 10:07 amYou have no idea how hard it has been not to laugh for the last half an hour in my cubicle. Thank you Jeff, thank you so very much.
And Rob…Ocu-Master…that new expensive state school where you piling up debt that will criple you has been good to you. That is by far the best smack I have ever witnessed from you. Its either your expensive education, or Jeffy just brought out the best in you.
He nailed you on the cat thing, though. I was rolling.
61 | tb September 29th, 2005 at 4:09 pmlast word
62 | ScatASStic September 29th, 2005 at 6:04 pm[…] llege. This brought about an email fight which was posted and then 62 comments. For once Robert brought the funny. Oh yeah, so Pyramid Head was in my dreams again. Not sure exactly what that means b […]
63 | The mind of TheChris » Kleenex is a brand! October 1st, 2005 at 8:46 amword
64 | ScatASStic October 2nd, 2005 at 6:54 pm[…] st content got me sifting through some old stuff (Me and Bill Shatner and who could forget Git-N-Go Jeff) Anyway, here’s a Mailbag from Morton, two years old today… A walk back in time […]
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66 | mattbot July 18th, 2006 at 1:31 pm?
Download Cool Ringtone Right This Time: ?
67 | ? September 1st, 2006 at 11:23 pm